Grows Up (2009)

by Stefana Fratila

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  • SELF-RELEASED / individually titled CD-Rs with original art by Maryam Noorzai and Ellis Sam / Songs recorded August 2007 - May 2009 / limited run of 250 / SOLD OUT

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about

"Grows Up" is a selection of bedroom pop songs recorded between the ages of 15 and 17 and distributed with individually handmade CD-R packages that were assembled in early morning high school art class and sold by night in all ages underground venues. All artwork by Maryam Noorzai and Ellis Sam and occasionally by Kate Metten and Jess Sallay-Carrington.

credits

released 21 December 2009
All songs written by Stefana Fratila.

Contact: stefana.fratila@gmail.com

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about

Stefana Fratila Vancouver, British Columbia

This page is dedicated to songs that were written and recorded between August 2007 - May 2009. Anything from afterwards can be found on Tumblr, Facebook, SoundCloud.

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Track Name: Vista Voyager
red-bellied robins
whisper
of park-filled days
when
I was young

shoved with human
emotion
people come back
and are
whimsical

there is a place
where people
love with
passion
and with colour!

it's time to burst open!

making your way
through
conversations with
mundane faces
through your voyager

and I know you'd like to
but I think that
there is a way to
do this
without giving yourself away

and there is place
where people
love with
wonder
and with fear!

it's time to burst open
through your voyager

(vista voyager, vista voyager, vista voyager)
Track Name: Small Fists
We are nearing the time of the year
which is easy to forget having lived through
(although we have every year)

I escape your car
and the wet snow falls in
the sizes of my fists

which are small, but not too small!
(yours are just bigger
than mine)

Ice-faced, I can't look straight-
forward or
notice the tree lot with its yellow lighting
on orange extension cords;
there are many trees
and I'd love to be enveloped
by each one of them.

But, it's at least a little late
and there's no time to be an observant good person
or I suppose
really I was observant upon quitting my quick way out of your car
(I had my eyes closed
the entire time)
I say this because I remember all
such chilly details while watching the propellor
inside the projector running pink and purple lights towards me.
Track Name: The Hunt
We looked around and
you stepped right into the fire.
You burned your heels,
all your peeling skin turned into
raw, wet- "I'm sorry!" I cried.

Your shape made an awkward gallop
through the woods
I heard a shot run through the leaves
and grabbed a skinny tree
I heard the words you had said
and saw you return as a
sick hot raindrop- "I've got it!"

We ran, your feet died
and you hung onto me.

"Hey! Hey! Hey!"
I heard more shots and turned
to count three hunters,
I heard more shots and turned
to count five hunters;
we ran; ran, ran, ran!
Track Name: I Love My Face When I Am In Love
I love my face when I am in love
Track Name: Mes Fantomes Gries
tonight we are Kings
tonight we are Toms
I don't want to hear anything
that isn't artificial, now
I sip on my white tea
tomorrow, but tonight
but tonight

we are Kings and Toms
not queens or Johns
we are Kings and Toms
not Queens or Johns

pour mes fantomes gries
qu'est-ce que c'est?
qu'est-ce que c'est?
c'est les copines! c'est les copines!
pour mes fantomes gries

it's never too early to show up
in leotards and top hats
screaming of winged statues but
do you believe, do you believe
in winged statues?
in a city square
in a closet, in a closet

we are Kings and Toms
not queens or Johns
we are Kings and Toms
not Queens or Johns

pour mes fantomes gries
qu'est-ce que c'est?
qu'est-ce que c'est?
c'est les fantomes gries
Track Name: La! La! La!
I dreamt I was on top
of a canopy of trees
among two strangers
who didn’t care about dying

they didn’t care about dying
(how!)
didn’t care about dying
(they could sing!)

the awning was brown and wet
my shoes were light
their faces clean
but chaotic, untidy with sad skin

as if inside a tower
we pointed to the rising storm
hurrying over the mountain
towards our refuge from home

la, la, la! la! la! la!

they gave me sprinkled chocolate
from a country with a language
I barely know
We nibbled like sleepy mice

a bundle!
a bundle! a bundle! a bundle!

la, la, la! la! la! la!

we spoke of our shacks
and magazines from home,
slipped a few times on the Earth
but found a parcel from Madagascar

we spoke of our shacks
and magazines from home;
I slept among the strangers.

they didn't care about dying, a bundle!
Track Name: Fever
I have a fever
and a sore throat
Track Name: Prices of Our Names
I'd like to see you
I'd like to twist the factors
and the prices of our names

The tales are leaving
My months are spinning

I take my tights and
roll them into a ball!
I take my clothes and
I take them to the wall!

I look at you and
you fire away.
You shouldn't be
any more insecure than yesterday.

I've a rose on the bookcase
(it's hidden there!)
(it's hidden there!)

It's hidden in there.
Track Name: I Dissect, You Progress
I dissect you
and you progress
I dissect you
and you progress

my little babe
we drank some wine
my little babe
we had some time
to like to, like to
be us us us

we cannot withstand
earthquakes
shatter sleek take me
and rainfall all the way

mother, mother, mother, mother, mother
take me home!
oh, mother mother mother mother mother
take me home!
Track Name: Swans Mating Constantly
swans mating constantly!
swans mating constantly!
swans mating constantly!
swans mating constantly!
(swans mating constantly!)
swans mating constantly!
swans mating constantly!
swans mating constantly!
Track Name: M.A.S.H.
I feel like a young lion
each time the door opens
I hold my beats to my chest
my stomach seems to die (again)

Your collection is ambiguous
and I know, I know I could have
worked in a M.A.S.H.

Around the surgery
and the dropping tissue,
I would have hit the wood
like her
Track Name: October
I spent hours dressing for glory and I have no idea why. It is a reconsideration - the ache. I think about him (Let me restore myself) and how he reminds me of my uncle and how they would get along if they were closer. My father's fear is real. He wishes me to be careful by the window. IT's right, he's right, especially when he is sad and sings and tells me about his old material. I see deaf-blind girls with Victorian-wear living in homes on hills and my temples - they do not stop throbbing. Restoration. What shows is not what I expect, although I eye people pretty well I can't tell what he is thinking because he's so hard on himself. No one knows (no we don't care) No one shows (for we don't share). I eye in the same way, although I would like to not know this, I eye in the same way. Because. Because. Because. How I wish, how I wish I didn't wish for something I cannot have.
Track Name: Nobody Pays
6. 0. 4.

through a vocal vase,
I know
how to make a face
and I know how
to make a sandwich,
but I don’t.

I’m sometimes lazy
but I still hold on
and hop along onto
the back of a bus.

everybody gets on
the back of the bus.
nobody pays!
everybody gets on
the back of the bus.
I didn’t pay, nobody pays.

through riding buses and more buses
(one more stop and one more bus)
I’ve learned that people are word-full

I come home drunk
(You’re drunk too)
we laugh at sitcoms with wet eyes
I don’t mind that we’re the same

everybody gets on
the back of the bus.
nobody pays!
everybody gets on
the back of the bus.
I didn’t pay, nobody pays.

(I can’t say I mind at all)
Track Name: Water/Stay Red
often with water
in their throats,
the whispers

the water crawls up
and the sea bear
makes its way
to my red lips
and they stay red but for no one
in particular

(I don't think you know why I go. You aren't sure how to greet this place and you look like you know.)

I am saving it out
I am saving it out
Track Name: The Sea Inside
I'm not in love
with a modern man
Track Name: Order
My order of conscience
tells me it’ll be okay
My order of conscience
tells me it’ll be okay

I know I shouldn’t look at you,
I know I shouldn’t think about you,
I know I should walk with you,
I know I shouldn’t learn to be with you.

Our guns fire
our books hit the floor
We turn to be ageless
our books hit the ground

I am a disorder
You are disordered
I am a disorder
You are disordered

Our lip-lids move
and we are traceless

My order of conscience
tells me it could be too late
My order of conscience
tells me it could be too late

I am a disorder
You are disordered
I am a disorder
You are disordered

All you need is help.
(All I need is help)
Track Name: Rusting Rustic Heart
You are keeping me occupied.
I wake up to
calm myself;
keep a rusting rustic heart, don't.
Don't. Don't.

I won't say that you love me
but I will say that I think
you do.

I have many passages to write -
say Man, don't you?
I feel cold tonight
and make cinnamon white tea
for my fright.

Cringing, ringing, sounding and leading
the man into
my shirt.

I
met a drummer once
and he was able to drum
an entirely different beat
with each
wrist, hand, and rising vein.

He, this young rhythmic animal,
made me see the oral aspects
in jumping ponytails
and reasons
in keeping her steady.

But even if I manage to knock my nails
against the back of my knees
if I don't take him right
if I sometimes don't hold him closely
I will
and I know I will
lose his attentive affection.

I am becoming
apprehensive of him
even when he brushes me
into his eyes
I know I am so close
to losing his genuine
interest.

He is a mineral,
(I know, I know)
my body may do
better
with him.
Track Name: The Breaking Points of a Man
the breaking points of a man,
you are set!

the breaking points of a man
like any other man
the boiling water
is cooling
and the furnace
is heating
the slippers
making
the house smell
like burning
paper
and smitten
cookie dough

the freezing point is too high
in the house

the heater has broken
my life has become
cold
I have become
cold

I have become cold
in the same way

that you turn
tired

every
waking
moment

sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep
(you are set!)
(you are set!)
(you are set!)
Track Name: Understanding Both Parts of the Word Foghorn
situations changing
rapidly,

these are the words
which make up my
thoughts, at dawn

the fog is thick
and my jumpy heart
awakes my wrists
in a termour
sweetly sounding

how excitable!
I am on hearing
foghorns blow and
understanding
both parts of the
word (foghorn)

I don't look
for clothes,
I look for birds!

because even if
you can hear me
from two halls down,
you won't
know
what it is
that I am saying.
Track Name: Steady
(I want to jump up from)

You wake up
to bike nowhere
but you never forget
to wear your
scarf


I can be your steady
I can be your steady

I know, I know
I make you shy


Yeah, I guess it was alright
making out for the first time


I know, I know (I can be)
I make you shy (your steady)
Track Name: Hon (So Much Goes)
I drink your wine
I take time
I sing alone
My input is cold.

So much
goes

on in these our
(darker purposes!)
28 seconds
of buying your
florida smile!

set a light
the season,
with its hydrants and
many driveways
blanketed
wet
with leaves

seemingly becoming
the silent declarations
of my
hesitant love
for you.

but,
just my luck!

So much
goes
what goes on

went
and your feet
tapping at my backside

belong only
to the friend
I am to your
friend.
Track Name: Hello, Lady Reed
hello, Lady Reed
hello, hello Lady Reed

you draw a red moustache
to my face
everyone is watching
and you wonder why
you're wearing a short, short dress

hello, Lady Reed
hello, hello Lady Reed
you look like tinker-bell

if you play your way in
you will get in

we live in a scenic world
he doesn't respond for a week
we live in a scenic world
and the world is coming to an end

he doesn't respond for a week
and you wonder if it's you!

hello, Lady Reed
hello, hello Lady Reed
cover your walls in rags
dress up like the poster girl
they follow you around
Lady Reed
you find yourself in a mess

like a crossfire in a talk
your hair is sticky fresh
your plunk lead is okay
your living room needs to be sustained

pop it all in, baby's got to go
(hey oh!)

we live in a scenic world
and the world is coming to an end
Track Name: March With Me
I drank too much milk and I feel sick
yes, I brushed my teeth Dear Mother.
yes, I flossed my teeth Dear Mother.

I drink a fantasy and hold it close to me
the beach is rocky so I clench my toes tight
I can't cook a thing but make a mean biscotti!

I like sprinting home (I am)
I like being home (I am)
I like walking away from home!
I like getting away from home!

a glass eye watches over me each day
seagulls and crows always chase me
but sometimes, they don't even mind me!

I like walking in comfortable shoes
I like walking in uncomfortable shoes
but sometimes,
I don't like walking in comfortable shoes!
I don't like walking in uncomfortable shoes!
I don't like walking in comfortable shoes!
I don't like walking in uncomfortable shoes!
MARCH with me! MARCH with me! MARCH with me!

in shoes, in shoes, in shoes, Dear Mother
my shoes, my shoes, are okay
for this weather!
I'd like to march with them (so)
let me march with them (let me march)

I don't floss my teeth like I used to
I play, I play
I'd rather read today.
(I'd rather read today!)

March with me! March with me! March with me!
MARCH with me! MARCH with me! MARCH with me!